At the end you still made me come back for more =X
Monday . 12.27am . Cool & Windy . Smiles

Haha, just reopen this blog with updated music list and header picture =]]]]

Dedicating this post to all the changes i made to the blog ^^

Music list
Do you remember - Jay Sean
Darn, aint it sweet to ask someone during a casual conversation about the past and start revitalising the memories together, having a great laugh in between? I'm having a smile thinking about it now ^^

Mad - Neyo
Funny aint targeted to girls, hahaha, I wanna let my dad know that even though he does do stuffs that makes us all angry and irritated at times, I want him to know that I seriously dont wanna go to bed mad at him =]

Live like we're dying - Kris Allen
Heh, the title explains it all isn't it? lets all live life everyday like as if its the last day =]]] The rhythm just catches me lotsa yo ^^

United States of Pop (Blame it on the pop) - DJ Earworm
Long title and weird artist that blended everything, haha, but seriously catchy and boast a remix of top 25 pop songs in 2009 =]]] Mashup at its best yo!

Changed Pictured.

Well, nuff said, the caption says everything, just know I'll be here for you =]]]]

Ok, tired from the day, gonna get my ass to sleep now ^^

"Secluded, Seperated & Soverignity - It aint easy to be me as always, grind those teeth and push those responsibility" Ben ZenoVka

Trying to be as best as I can be =]]]]
Sunday . 20.43am . Cool & Windy . Laughs

LOL, don ask me why are 2 really sad song appearing on my blog.

lets just admit it, sad songs always sounds the nicest isnt it? and beside I aint feeling the best so far so I aint having any problem listening to sad songs uh =X

and the video of this song reminded of my first girl, but yea, its alrdy over 1yr ++ liao =X
(guess that period was rly hard though)

so close to meeting national fourth seed today, haiya~

And i was late for national games today, ultimate uh Ben.

But not to feel fustrative after being so close? Guess badminton just aint giving me the adrenaline rush like it use to be anymore eh...

我看不到自己站在荣耀的舞台，
我看不到自己的未来有多完整，
放弃了普通生活的我没有理由，
看开了世人情感的我没有借口，
向往你的世界我无从方向去走，
庇护你的悲伤我没有勇气靠近，

我的后悔，我的无助，我的无奈，我的心痛，我的坚持，我的孤独，我的沉默，我的倔强，我的梦想，我的难过，我的理由，我的勇气，我的同情，我的温柔，我的心意，我的过去，我的道义，我的动力，我的退后，我的伤心，我的欣慰，我的心态。

你不必知道。。。

重要的是我要献出的是我的

好与坏

In all and all, be it my smiles are genuine or not, I'll keep on smiling. Even if its gonna be on my own expense.

I made a decision years ago, to see its effects, I shouldnt be afraid to face it now.

I'm at best my best every moment I am still alive on this world

"Forget how it felt like having me around, remember what my existence made a difference" Ben ZenoVka

Take my breath away
Friday . 12.50am . Warm & Humid . Eureka!

Thanks Kelroy for sending that Eureka moment, haha, though not directly but hey! I know what to do from here =]]]]]]

Lets just say I should be back to being myself again ^^v

That day having me almost dead sent my head spinning all over the place
haha, but now I realised *yet again* that its behind me my friends stood proudly of my existence backing me up all the time.

Let me do some dedication here ok ^^

RP family - night outs to the beach, mlys, macdonalds or even a hi when we meet, ur words was best heard when you guys looked me in the eyes and smiled ^^

E44A family - whats better then encouragement and appreciation from the people u see everyday =]]]]]]]]

Badminton family - Very broad family, all that reminds me of that very raw passion in the very sport I placed my heart and soul in. I just wanna keep playing and playing till the day I cant move xDD

campHA family - still can remember after so long i retire uh! haha, all those sentosa trips and night out with rly funny stunts done, god aint it fun when we all got tgt *winks*

Cambodia family - keep reminding me of visnu and puthy and, and and and xDD *one moooooorree*

Brunei family - its here I found some of the strongest bond I've seen =]] and darn we all miss the nasi katok and beaches back then, and besides! we have a legacy to create aite? ^^

Outside family - haha, whats best said than ur occasional effort to pop up and say hi, making my day =]]]]]

Sry peeps, cant be rly specific here, too many ppl to name~ hahaha =X

And when monday comes, I'll be smiling into class yup!

*though its samantha =X*

hahaha, and i'll do my best to make the class livelier too ^^ *nudges geraldine* xDDD

"Love is more than den just you and me, it can be We" Ben ZenoVka

That moment had me thinking
if I was gonna see you again
Tuesday . 2.16am . Cool & Dark . Lost in thoughts

Cant slp.

I was given the gift to make others smile, but that gift din extend to me

I only held on to the belief that Sincerity counts...

I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
I've found everything I need
I never wanted anymore than I can see
I only want you to believe

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty

Girl I followed my heart
Followed the truth
Right from the start it led me to you
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all I have to say

I tried to find you, but you were nowhere to be found...

School wasnt interesting, least bit I smoked thru with the grp.
Being dumb, blurted out obvious hints who she is in class, now you all know

I din meant to do so, wanted to have more time to know you and prevent unneccesary pressure, but boy sure I did screw up.

After sch went down to try find you, one of the biggest shock in years when I was just a few blocks away.

Took a right turn at the junction and this big size trailer zoomed passed and overturned after the junction, missing me by just that bit...

I thought I wasnt gonna make it...

I made it to your place, but I couldn't find you, din know what to feel then...

Flashes of life came on that instance, guess thats what they meant by near death experience...? about what i've done, what i wanted to do, about others, about you, about frenx, about millions and millions of what ifs...

What if that trailer did hit me...?

I ask not of people to miss me, but to be reminded I existed in ur life once

That by my example helping people and letting them know you cared is the basis of love for everyone.

The thought of not having another chance to be able to tell someone you cared is breath taking, and I donno what would happen if rly I was gone, just like that...

I'm sorry

"Love meant even in the case I may be gone for good, I'll still think of you before I do" Ben ZenoVka

First time i felt like i din know anything
Friday . 2.16am . Cool & Dark . Insensible me

You... have... stolen... my.... heart~

Biathlon's on saturday (2nd wave at 9.15am), National games' next week, Thai trip in dec.
Busy preparation for hand over and new business set ups.
And I'm wondering if I should still go on with the new IG in mind.
But I'm pretty sure SHL aint gonna be supportive, or better still against it.

In the scene of education, aint the best development of a student the main point to deliver? why is fame and recognition and power and riches all that matters now?

I'm angry and upset, that even those with power deem nth of their capabilities, that it became their burden instead of using it as a mean to help others.

I wanted so badly out of the complicated situation, and now I find myself entwirling ard the same circumstances over and over again.

Besides those problems and I still have performance related tourneys and games to take care of, 24hrs 7 days a week only allows me to do this much my dear friends.

And sch's not helping, am i going nuts and kukoos here?

As for you,

I only wished that I had the courage to say I like you
Really want to know more about you and show you the kind of guy I am
For my reason is simple, you made me smile
It was sth I was never rly capable of since I closed off my feelings sometime back.

And I rly felt like returning that favor
I want to put that genuine smile back on ur face for good

But now I'm rly feeling the strain...

And darn I hope that things will become better, cause I'm already doing my best.

"The world became a better place the day u said hi to me for the first time" Ben ZenoVka

I feel unconfident yet positive =X
Monday . 11.56am . Cool & Dark . Feeling Reminded of you

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I hope i can try hard enough this time round =]

"If trying was the last word on my mind, i meant it by doing my best" Ben ZenoVka

Its so comfortable around you :D
Sunday . 12.56am . Cool & Dark . Feeling Reminded of you

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and
you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

I donno why, but it just feels so right beside you =]

p.s. it'll be great if i could catch this in movie with you =X



"If its time I let someone in, it really seemed to be you this time" Ben ZenoVka